THE ADVENTURES OF A SMALL, CERAMIC GIRAFFE IN TUDOR ENGLAND by BRADLEY SANDS

The Adventures of a Small, Ceramic Giraffe in Tudor England

by Bradley Sands

A small, ceramic giraffe goes outside to buy dish soup. Outside is Tudor England. Inside is a room with a high ceiling. The giraffe does not like the high ceiling. It intimidates him. It says, “My height is wasted on you, small ceramic giraffe.” Outside, Tudor England says, “I love you, small, ceramic giraffe.” But the small, ceramic giraffe cannot reciprocate this love. The small, ceramic giraffe does not even know Tudor England exists. How should he know? He has never seen Showtime’s original series, The Tudors. He does not know what Tudor England looks like. When the small, ceramic giraffe looks at Tudor England, all he sees is a junkyard. Having never seen The Tudors, the small, ceramic giraffe walks to the shop as loneliness and insignificance drips down his small neck.



Bradley Sands is the author of the novel, It Came from Below the Belt, and the editor of Bust Down the Door & Eat All the Chickens. His work has appeared in The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue), Lamination Colony, No Colony, Opium Magazine, Robot Melon, decomP, susurrus, Thieves Jargon and elsewhere. Visit him at http://www.bradleysands.com/